What's Your Role?
Emilliano Terry, a three year old Cleveland, Ohio native was found dead wrapped in a trash bag at a trash site on Monday, November 26, 2012. As of now his mother, Camiliano Terry is the main suspect. There are quite a few different news accounts as to what happened to Emiliano Terry, but it doesn’t matter, it’s all tragic. Allegedly, his mom was a part of the children services system herself, and had reached out for help to the children welfare agency with no action, even going as far as to tell her caseworker that she didn’t want her kids and to take them. This is another story in what seems to be a long line of people reaching out for help, getting ignored, and then harming their children. Now please understand that I don’t condone or understand harming a child under any circumstance; however I can see how it could happen. Why does it seem as if our system is constantly failing children left and right? It seems to me that the system always ignores the ones that genuinely need and seek their help, and drag the ones that are desperately trying to do the best that they can for their children, through the ringer. Where is the balance? At what point does the welfare of the children actually come into play? For years, as a product of the foster care system myself, I have felt as if more times than not, the system is set up to make you fail than succeed. I understand that social workers are just people and they have overloaded caseloads and sometime people slip through the cracks; but when you have someone reaching out to you for help, when is it ever ok to ignore them, and then crucify them when they snap?

Our system is broken, always has been and probably always will be… That doesn’t mean that all of the blame is laid out on the system and the workers, absolutely not. We as individuals, as people, all share in the blame of each child murdered, trafficked, abused, etc. because we continuously turn our heads and try to turn a blind eye to everything around us that doesn’t directly affect or threaten us. Whenever we ignore a child’s pleas for help; a parent’s obvious signs of abuse and call for help; whenever we don’t lift a finger to try and help out a neighbor, we all share in the blame of the tragedy that occurs. There is too much that can be done to dramatically decrease the number of children that are victims of heinous crimes, but because it makes us uncomfortable to get involved with someone else, to see the stark realities and truths of people that you call your friends, neighbors, leaders, etc. Yet we don’t get involved, and so the numbers don’t decrease, instead they seem to steadily increase and that’s why innocent and weak children will always be targets of abuse; because people will always look the other way when things make them uncomfortable or impede on their fantasy of life.

No one ever wants to help, but everyone wants to judge, crucify, and cry in outrage when the tragedies occur and it’s on the news and can no longer be ignored… Keep your tears and your temporary moments of heartache and care because it’s then it’s too late. The time to help has passed, another child is dead, and after a few days or weeks, every emotion that was roused up in you at the injustice has disappeared right along with the hope that the next child may have at not being the next victim. Think I’m lying? How many times did you think about Emilliano, Camiliano, or any other child abuse victim today? How many times have you thought about what you can do to help, and try to do it? Ashamed?

Seriously, how hard is it to volunteer at a local agency, be a foster parent, adoptive parent, mentor, advocate, and supporter? Just becoming educated and aware of the dangers and signs of danger and reporting it can save lives. What are you going to do? If nothing, then when the next victim is splattered all over the news, spare me the temporary dramatics and show of concern of another child victim when you may have been able to save that child. Better yet, let’s pray that it’s not someone you love because no one wants to get involved until the evil reaches them and their loved ones. The “it takes a village to raise a child,” mentality seems to have went out of the window a long time ago and we need to work on getting it back.

After you say Rest In Peace to all of the innocent children who lost their lives at the hands of someone who should have been caring for them instead of harming them.. Then do something to make sure it doesn't happen to another child.


Things I'm Afraid to Tell You
Apparently in the land of blogs there are different themes to topics that change every year. The theme for now is, "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You," in which you write down a number of things that you normally wouldn't tell other people; it's also an opportunity to be true to yourself.

I decided that I can do this so here I go:

1)I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to bringing my vision to fruition. I know and believe in the vision that God has given me and it's great. However I have no idea how to bring it to pass except do what I know how to do. I have a lot of support but only one actual person who is on my team and riding all of the hills and mountains out with me as we figure this out together.(Racyn) Because I believe in my vision, I am very particular when it comes to what I am and am not willing to do. I may agree with something one moment & then I'll go back and pray on it and change my mind. Most people can't handle that I shoot down most of their ideas or they don't understand how my unique vision will work, so its difficult to keep people to work with. I do a lot of praying, trusting God, and having brainstorm pow-wows with Racyn.

2) My biggest fears with public speaking used to be that I was intimidated by speaking in front of people and a lack of confidence in myself and my ability to relay my message to people that held college degrees or had more corporate experience than I do. I got over those issues and my confidence is no longer a problem. However, now my biggest fear now is that while speaking to people and convincing them to become foster or adoptive parents; I may be the reason a child ends up with an abusive foster parent or in a home worse off than where they've been previously. I know that unfortunately foster care is like ripe hunting grounds for all kinds of perverts and I'm afraid of doing more harm than good to the children.

3)I'm compassionate about many things. That's who I am, and most times I consider it a gift and a blessing. I want to help heal the world. Sometimes I believe that I am going to take on too much and become numb to the harsh realities of life by witnessing all of the human horrors that we inflict upon each other... Especially our women, children, and elders. Some of the causes that are closest to my heart, (Human Trafficking, child abuse, domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc.) hurt the most and have me questioning God and asking Him for forgiveness because of my desire to see the monsters that commit these heinous acts endure lots of pain. I don't want to become hateful or spiteful. I love who I am and the fact that I am forgiving, compassionate, hopeful, and loving.

4) A lot of times I am disappointed with Christianity and the Christian Church as a whole. I am disappointed in how easily we disregard our God and all that He stands for. How easily we put our own needs over His. I know that we are all human but many times I feel like the majority doesn't even try to deny our own temporary pleasures to please our God that we claim we love so much. Reading the Old Testament, I see a lot of parallels and it makes me scared for loved ones and even enemies. God is a God of Judgement as well as loving and merciful and I feel that many people are forgetting that and constantly testing His Grace. We are losing people to other faiths because we don't practice what we preach. I imagine that when judgment day comes and we are standing in front of God there will be a parade of people that cross before us whom we could have saved but missed the opportunity because they were turned off by something that we did and we're going to have to answer to that. That may not happen but that's what I see and that's one reason why I try my best to do right. Also because I believe that Love is an action as well as a word and just like I want people to show me they love me in their actions as well as their words; I don't think God is exempt from that equation because I can't actually physically see or touch Him.

5) One of the toughest things that I had to deal with as I got older was my body's response to being sexually abused as a child, and the guilt, shame, and disgust that came along with that knowledge, understanding, and admittance. It took a lot of support and rehashing a lot of memories that I would have preferred to keep hidden but instead chose to relive for the purpose of healing and writing (The Pain in the Promise; Child Neglected, God Protected, Beauty Reflected). Thinking of the abuse and my body's response to the molestation made me feel as if I liked it and was giving permission for these pedophiles to molest me because I didn't say no, and because I orgasmed and even looked forward to satisfying my sexual desires. It was a little difficult for me to shake that guilt and disgust. To believe and understand that it was not my fault and our bodies are wired for sexual stimulation, and there's nothing that you can do to reverse that once it's been tampered with. No child can grant permission for sex no matter what their bodies feel. I have met many victims of child abuse who share the same shame and I want to tell you to let it go and move on. Get therapy and even study the body's biology if that will help you move past your guilt and shame. The pedophile was wrong, not you so don't carry that extra pain!!

These are my things. I hope you got an inside look to knowing more about Nikki J. Things got a little deep so I will leave with some words of encouragement and a lighter note.
Never let anyone tell you what dreams you can't obtain. You have to believe in yourself enough for everyone else because you will be surprised who you lose. Speak your vision out loud, it helps to make it real for you! Just Do It. If you have a vision or idea, just do it, don't talk yourself out of it because of your fears.
If anyone bumps into Lamman Rucker, please tell him that Nikki J is waiting for a date. Lol :-)

Here are the links to two other blogs that I came across that are doing the same thing, please check them out, their messages and causes are phenomenal.

Be Blessed,
Nikki J

Human Trafficking is the illegal trade of human beings for the purposes of sexual exploitation, forced labor, or a modern-day form of slavery. Human trafficking is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world. It is second only to drug trafficking as the second most profitable illegal industry.
I’ve heard a lot of people say that we can end human trafficking altogether but I can honestly say that I do not believe that we can. However, I do believe that we can help save millions of lives, and help victims get free from these tragedies and get a new chance at life. They say that only 1 out of every 100 victims is ever rescued, and I believe that as a whole we can greatly increase the number of victims rescued, and number of victims taken. Why do I say that we can’t end human trafficking altogether? Because there is too much of a demand for people, and there are obviously too many perverts out here willing to break any law, and do whatever they can to satisfy their lust for young boys and girls, sadistic sex, and rape, that’s why there are more than 2.4 MILLION people and that’s why $32 BILLION are being made every year in this industry. To say that we can end it completely means that we are not acknowledging the great problem that it is.
I do not say this to discourage anyone from becoming involved. My desire is for everyone to become involved in some way or another, even if it’s just by becoming more aware and educated on this problem and reporting suspicious behavior to the police, or even donating to an organization that geared towards helping these victims. Become educated on how this system works so that you can be aware and educate your children and others. One important thing is that Americans need to stop thinking that this is only an issue for third world countries, and recognize that this is also a huge problem in the U.S. Matter of fact the USA is one of the biggest ways that these victims are transported through. These victims can be as young as 4 years old, and the average age ranges between 9-14 and these boys and girls can be made to have sex with numerous men a night. On average they are expected to earn anywhere from $500-$1,000 nightly and need to sleep with as many people needed to get their quota. To make sure there is no struggle or attempt at escape, these victims are often brutally beaten, raped, doped up, their families are threatened, and many times they are even killed.
On my research into human trafficking I have come across horrible stories, things that have me praying and crying for these victims and constantly wondering what I can do to make a difference, and on one of my searches I came across Jill, a survivor of human trafficking. Jill is great, she’s answered any questions that I have asked, and through her blog, I have gained insight into her world as well as the world of other survivors of human trafficking. I’ve learned a lot of things about the abuse that these men and women have been through, and their journey to healing. If you would like to know more about Jill, check her out http://jacobinesque.tumblr.com . Also if you want to get involved and informed here are some sites that you can check out: Polaris Project; Not For Sale Campaign; IJM; A21 Campaign; Human Trafficking.Org; Human Trafficking (Tv series available on NetFlix. Very graphic but recommended.) Please share this blog and the rest of this information with others.
How much more real does it have to get to you before you decide to get involved? Most people don’t do anything to help others, and then God forbid, something happens to them or someone they love and they want everyone else to come together and help them out. Well let’s not wait that long, Get involved now, and maybe your involvement and awareness will save you or a loved one.
You can purchase The Pain in the Promise; Child Neglected, God Protected, Beauty Reflected here: https://www.createspace.com/3913571

            You can find out more about Nikki J on the following sites





            For speaking engagements and book signings you can contact Racyn Smith at: (216) 926-7740 or RACYNSMITH@YAHOO.COM